The whole house is silent and dark as i sit here listening to my fingers gracing hte keyboard in strokes so familiar. I cant help but think about my day and how I had not a moment to process a single emotion through the chaos.
I drove a pickup truck today for the first time in my life and i cant even begin to describe to you the power I felt in driving it. You see, to me pick up trucks are the ultimate form of masculinity. I think its the way they move or what they were made to do. Or maybe, it’s just the way they are advertised. Who knows. But today, driving that pick up with over 3,000 lbs of cargo in the back i couldn’t help but feel powerful. I couldn’t help but feel the sexiness of the strength in the wheels as I traveled that seven mile stretch of I75. I couldn’t help but ask myself “is this what its like to be a man?”
I remembered back to a sermon I once listened to on masculinity at my former church and what it really means to be a man has been skewed by our society and advertising and as I listened to the mans voice over the radio I couldn’t help but ponder the topic.
Stumbling into adulthood with a skewed view of proper gender stereotypes has left me vulnerable to the teachings of society. Even working in the psych field as long as I have I still find myself stepping away from a tearful male patient. That’s foreign to me. To see a man cry is the ultimate in my eyes. IF a woman cries I get it, life fucking sucks. Men don’t get it. emotion overload but when a man cries… I immediately freak out. It challenges every preconception I have of men in my head. I get quiet, I fall into myself and just walk away. sound cold? That certainly is not my intent but then again when you come at life from my angle it makes sense.
you see, in my world men play hockey. They drink, swear and spit excess tobacco on the ice even in the presence of children. they work on cars and leave a ring of black grease in their wake in the tub after a long day of changing tires and fixing oil leaks. The men I was raised with don’t cry over women they just find new ones.
But then, turn on the radio. 93.1 the local country station here in Detroit and you are met with that deep voice with a soft message and it leaves you longing for so much more. It make me wonder if what i grew up with is reality. As I try to evaluate the truth around masculininty i have only my upbringing and previous experiences to draw on.
If i had my way, men would be strong and endearing. They would be vulnerable too and open. I would wish to feel safe in their arms not owned. I would wish to be adored. I would wish to feel wanted to feel sexy in their eyes. Men, listen up, make your women feel special and you will never leave their focus. Obvioulsy I cant speak for every other women but I do know that women like to feel that the man they are with is attracted to them. If you keep this up your woman is going no where. Its when you start ignoring her that things will go south.
I don’t know, maybe its something I’m going through, maybe its my age, maybe its his age but lately I feel less than enthralled in relationship life. I listen to songs and imagine I am the one being sung to. My favorite song right now is “put it all on me” by Devon Dawson. Maybe its because everything feels so heavy lately. Maybe its because the pressure on my back feels like 100 elephants having a dance party and I cant find the off switch. Or maybe its my feminine desire to be protected (don’t deny it ladies it’s there) being left out in the open. or maybe its my distrust of this whole feminist movement leaving me wary of where this push for equality is taking us. Feminism is denying us our womanhood come on ladies you have to admit this.
as the gender roles blend and become more obscure the depression rates in women skyrocket. As i talk to women I know more and more i hear of high levels of dissatisfaction in marriages and relationships. I hear of not wanting to return to work after a lapse of employment due to children but the pressure to return is heavy as the men “want help”. What is this doing to our marriages and overall view of masculinity. Let me be clear here. can women do it? Sure. Can men take care of babies/children? Sure… but Don’t you think some of the mystery is lost when a woman starts doing a “man’s job”? and women don’t you still find it sexy when a man does something to “take care of you?”
I mean come on. To me, the ultimate turn on is when man can do something I can’t. You know, like drive a pick up truck. But now that I have driven one, I know what it feels like. I know how it handles and part of the mystery is lost. am i right? Its the same with mowing the lawn, fixing a car or even something as simple as opening a jar closed too tight for our small hands to open. I don’t know about you ladies but i get a rush our of watching a man doing something I cant even if its something as simple as opening a jar. Its the showing of strength used for the good of taking care of me. Isn’t that what masculinity is? Knowing you have the strength to care for those entrusted into your care and using the strength in the way it was intended to be used. That, men, is the ultimate display of masculinty.
Its not about how much you can lift at the gym or how accurate your slap shots are. True mascluinty is how you use your gifts of strength to help those entrusted into your care. I know, I know, this type of post is out of character for me but hey it something valid. its somethng not autism related and its real. there you go men. Ponder this. what is true masculinity?