Today has been one of those days where its been a battle to find the peace amidst all of the therapies, iep meetings to prepare for, trainings for my job (finally going to be in the center on wednesday), moving around therapy times to meet all my responsiblities, insurance coordination for his speech device atop normal everyday chores. I kept repeating to myself today as I was on my hands and knees cleaning the floor that what you get out of life is what you put into your heart. So I made a concerted effort to battle every negative thought in my head with a positive one.
When I thought about him yelling in class and another boy saying that if he was in school the next day he would not go i changed my thoughts to remind myself that the reason that this happened was because my son had recently been moved into a higher functioning class. When i thought about having to put my son in a restraint chair to get through the grocery store I thought about what it would be like if i had not been given that chair in the first place by a stranger.
When I thought about “why is this happening to us” I remembered “Thank God there is an us for this to be happening to”.
I have been been trying to hard to let the things i cannot control go. The potty training that made no progress, the autism that just wont go away, the job situation I can’t seem to figure out and so much more. I have been trying to force myeslf to accept that no one really had no control over any part of their lives. As we see in the recent happenstances in our government shut down, though many of the U.S government employess just four months ago felt secure in their jobs that security was taken away in an instant by the very people that employ them and depend on them for their everyday safety.
there is always going to be the unknown. The changes in life that we didn’t ask for but happen away. Some people say that they “feel stuck” in life or that “things will never change” these are the exact times in our life that we should enjoy the calm because in just a little while things could change whether good or bad and change is always uncertain.
If I’m completely honest here Im not really sure how I am going to fit a job into all of this. I’m going to miss that 18 hours a week to rest, refuel and clean in silence. I am excited and saddened that I will be back on the working bandwagon and often wish I had the means to take a one year break. But who knows, this just might be the out that I have needed you don’t know until you get up and running i suppose. I’m just fearful that my time away from autism will be spent working with autism but then all autism is different so you never know. well, wish me luck.