The Ice was freeing tonight. The way my equipment huged my hips and sat tightly over my rib cage hugging me as the sweat dripped down my back. It was my one autism free hour. It was my one hour to remember what it feels like to let the cool air hit my lungs with every stride feeling the strength in my legs. Hockey always was my escape. Happy, go hang out at a drop in with friends, sad, take a radio out to sticks and pucks and just chill, angry, a stick, a puck, rock and roll and a few dozen slap shots until I’m gasping for air. Its always been my escape from the real world. Thank God I still have that one thing because today, I really needed it.
My day started out with a wet bed, wet kid and an insurance bombshell. “that company is out of network” the lady from our insurance company said as I broke down in tears. I knew she could hear the shaking in my voice and her tone changed and grew softer. We had been in the process of obtaining a speech device for our son to help him to communicate since November of last year. We have been attending speech appointments with a speech therapist to learn how to use the device. We had preapproval and I had been in contact with the company that makes the device about a half dozen times and now we sit almost five months out and this device is still not in our possession. I called our insurance company today just to follow up and was told that this company we had been dealing with is not in network and the $6000 (U.S dollars for those of you out of country) device would not be covered. The insurance company and the company that is responsible for providing the device were then put on a three way conference call and as I tried to compose myself in the meeting I couldn’t help but at one point say “I just want to talk to my son why is that so hard?!” At that the lady at the device company said to the insurance rep “you know she cannot get this device through another company as we are the only ones who provide this particular device”. It was then that I heard a glimmer of hope in the insurance reps voice as she explained that in this case there have been exceptions made and she would put us through to someone to see if we could see about a special approval which will take fifteen days to get an answer back. I started to gain composure at this point and began to point out to both the insurance company and the device company that in my five months on this battle, eight or nine dealings and pre approval it was never mentioned to me that their company was out of network and someone had dropped the ball. What topped all of this off was during this forty five minute exchange my son was in and out of the room trying to get my attention and I had to shoo him out of the room which i hate. I tried to quiet his moans and even gave up my computer and had to battle him to keep my phone in my possession. That’s the truth of it all. I was battling insurance companies instead of taking care of my child.
I had one hour before i had to be to work and i had to get it together and the therapist for my son was on her way despite the emotions and thoughts swirling through my head. I ran through the shower deciding not to wash my hair there was no time and soaped up rinsed off the tears, dried off and dressed. I got out of the shower and noted that my son had his pants on inside out and backwards. To avoid judgment from the therapist on her way I rushed to dress him appropriately. I called my dad to make sure he was on hi sway to sit with therapy while I worked for the three hours session that was awaiting me. I had to hold it together for three hours at least. He was just around the corner and as my son finished his lunch and I sat at the table with our technician reminding my son to use a spoon I packed up my iPad and ran out the door promising i would shut off for this three hours and enjoy my session because honestly I love my job.
About one hour into my three hour session i looked at my phone (that is usually on do not disturb but with special needs at home I have to keep it out just in case of emergencies. I look down to a text from my husband who had arrived early telling me that we need to watch our tech because she has been on her phone a lot and our son was on break almost the whole session I rolled my eyes and texted back “I cant talk right now I’m in session”. My blood boiled. I hate it when techs are on their phones during session. I get it life happens but please please please don’t waste my sons time for a paycheck. Please don’t do your homework or read books on his breaks? the quality of my family’s future is in your hands. I get it, for emergencies or for communicating for the BCBA yep totally get that sometimes you have to leave it out especially if you have kids I’m all for that but please I am keeping my kid home from school two days a week for therapy if you aren’t going to work with him… cya….
It took us five years to obtain ABA. My son was diagnosed at a time when autism was not covered by insurance. I respect what we have now. I know how I agnoized over not having services. Long nights and days watching my son stare at walls and watch Finding Nemo on repeat knowing there was help out there and we couldnt reach it. I knew of families who sold their wedding rings for two more weeks of therapy. I tried the medicaid route but we were denied. They said we made too much but what the cost of aba would be out of pocket was almost equal to what we made. Even now my son who cannot talk does not qualify for any form of disability. Its been a ride let me tell you. And as I watch therapists come into our home and do their homework on therapy time my blood boils. I know the value of therapy. I live it daily.
I got in my car after work and drove straight home and sat at the table exhausted. “Come sit at the table we need to talk” i said to my husband. We discussed our issues with our technicians and I just said “what is wrong with today? what is wrong with people don’t they care?” I couldn’t cry anymore but he grew silent as his face grew red and I saw the tears welling up in his eyes. I just let it go and silence fell over us as we both felt defeated. “This is why! This is why I went into this field because these children and their families deserve the best. They deserve to be the center of it all. If I can help one family then my dream is complete.” I said as if I am trying to fix my own world by helping another. But then I felt a tinge of anger as I wished that someone would do the same for us. Its all so cold. So distant. a quick paycheck for so many that leaves the family in the dust and disillusioned and defeated wondering there is any hope in the world for their child.
The hardest part of the autism world is not the children. It is the system. It is the system and its codes. Its the red tape and the hoops. Its the lack of people who truly care. Its the lack of knowledge and education. Its the lack of empathy that gets lost in the paperwork and bottom lines. There has to be another way. There just has to be
***this is a picture of me and Aiden at the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit Michigan USA. He was yet unable to talk during this time but he sure loved to skate!! This is my favorite picture of us to date*** NO LIMITS