well, its 2020 and we made it. we are now starting our tenth year on this journey and this year has seen a lot of ups and downs. Ill start with the downs only because I love to leave my writings on a high note so I leave a star at the paragraph where things get good so those of you who like to deny the hard parts of autism know where to start reading. Why, because life is hard, autism is hard, this parenting gig is hard and I get that. Some of us are at a high place on our journey and and want to revel in that while we have that quiet moment and others may be digging themselves out of their own hole and cant handle the worry. But then, on the flip side, there are those that are curious of what may be in the future or maybe there are those researching the reality of life at home with severe autism and wish to know every facet of “spectrum life”. Anywhere you are on your journey I support you, no judgment here. Kid peed on your couch again? pull up a chair let me tell you about the 3 couches I had to throw to the curb in the past two years.
Aiden is 11 now. Prepubescent and unpredictable. Back in October we had multiple phone calls, texts and incident reports that Aiden was showing aggression toward teachers and staff. This has always been my biggest fear that he may become aggressive and it appears that my greatest fears are being realized. Its odd really, he has begun “attacking” his siblings for what seems no discernible reason. He will, seemingly out of no where, just lunge at his brother or sister and bite them or pinch them. This is a behavior that we have yet to pinpoint a cause. Its amazing how tumultuous the soul in a parent gets when they have a responsibility to protect all their children. When one child goes after another its always a battle of who needs protection especially when special needs is involved. On one hand you know that normal discipline does not work with spectrum kids but yet you have a responsibility to the other child to attend to the issue accordingly. I have no adequate words to describe my heart when his six year old little sisters voice said today through tears after he bit her today “the medicine isn’t fixing him”. It;s soul crushing.
His aggressive behavior in school required a behavior intervention meeting involving the behaviorist at aidens school, his BCBA, his case manager at school me and his dad. We got everything hammered out it seemed until his father and I headed out to the parking lot and had a disagreement and mean words were exchanged as my van remained in park as i stared at his shoe he had lost near the entrance of his school as evidence of the we battle we had getting him into the building. Just another day in the life of Autism parenting. The ever dreaded fight when parents don’t agree on an approach to the behavior. but hey that’s part of this autism life.
Aidens technician of over a year and a half called yesterday with a quiet, fearful apologetic tone and I knew once she said hello what this call was. It was a quittin’ call. I have had many of these in the past. “Hey, that’s the nature of ABA no one really stays with it” I said as I forgave her for leaving, easing her worry of any chance of my springing some sort of tears. I’ve been through this. Many, Many times. I know no one will be there through life which is why I stay active and attentive in therapy sessions. The only constant in all of this is Aiden, myself and autism the rest is about as solid as the ocean. Which is why I went into ABA. they say knowledge is power. IT is not just power, it is peace. I am not afraid because I know what to do.
I don’t know why, but the last week Aiden has been having potty accidents again so today I finally broke down and bought a plastic mattress cover and a pack of XL pull-ups with the prayer that this regression will be shorter lived than the last bout of potty regression. the pull ups say they go up to 125lbs and I pray that this all ceases before he hits that mark. Praise God that in both bouts with regression, knock on wood, he continued using the potty for #2. Due to the numerous losses of couches in the past I have put covers on the couch cushions as well, just as a precaution.
Our stair case to the upstairs is in shambles as Aiden has a new past-time of throwing things down the stairs and screaming while he video tapes it. It was tolerable, almost cute really until he found a full cup of coffee and threw it down the stairs two weeks after we had the carpets cleaned. Once again, just another day in the life.
***** the upside***** (Because I promised)
Aiden has become quite adept at YouTube and has hijacked everyone’s accounts in the family and is posting “DVD opening videos” so he has a hobby. It may be obscure but hey hes not the only one so I am in hopes he is finding those that understand him. Thank God for the internet.
His favorite Christmas gift was a new DVD player from his grandma Lola that looks like a laptop computer and he has been carrying that around every where with him.
He has developed somewhat of an obsession with my day planner and often asks me to write things that he wants to do on days he wants to do them. It looks as if he has Miss Katie’s house every Thursday and Nana Lolas house every Sunday. He won’t stop obsessively asking until I write it down. When i say, “Aiden we have to call and ask Miss Katie” he will often reply “No call her” as if it is socially acceptable to just show up unannounced to play with her DVD rack which I find amazingly cute.
Another obsession he has recently acquired is with Chips and Salsa. Its become one of the staples in our house. He legit goes through three jars a day :). That’s one way to make sure hes getting his veggies.
Well, that’s all for now. As always thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, words of advice, phone calls (for those close to us) and for following our journey. I hope those of you riding the spectrum wave are in good spirits and never lose hope no matter how hopeless or slow things seem because in the end its hope that gets me out of bed each morning. Even though I may not know you by name, there’s not a day that goes by that i don’t think of all those running this course with me. Cheers to all of you and I pray that despite urine soaked couches and coffee stained carpet you are able to find the humor and most importantly the love in it all because its always there you just have to stop, look around, and wait for it.